Bloopers - Part 6

More delightful verbal prattfalls gleaned from Kermit Schafer's
book "Blunderful World of Bloopers."
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Aba Daba Honeymoon:
An emcee interviewed a young couple who had just come from being
married at a Justice of the Peace. He asked, "What is it like to
be married?" The blushing bride replied, "I can't say.....it
hasn't sunk in properly yet."

Happy holidays:
On behalf of all station personnel, we want to wish you season's
greetings and a happy and preposterous New Year!"

Make an offer:
Political candidate - "If I'm elected, I can promise you the
best government money can buy."

No class:
Teacher - "And now class, we come to the moment we have all been
waiting for....a strip film....ooops...I mean a film strip on
farming."

Taken to the cleaners:
Ad for a dry cleaning service - Ladies who drop off their
clothes will receive prompt attention.

Good thing it's radio:
And now we present the homely friend-maker.

Bring the bacon:
During WWII, women saved drippings and fat from cooking to be
recycled. This is when an announcer came up with this double
entendre - "Ladies, bring your fat cans down to the corner
butcher."

Playboy holiday:
Emcee - Ma'am, what would be your reaction if your husband told
you he was going on a two week fishing trip with a bunny.....I
mean buddy!"

Give 'em an inch:
Emcee - What are you doing in the city?
Contestant - I'm on my honeymoon.
Emcee - Are you enjoying it?
Contestant - Yes, every inch of it.

Meanwhile, down on the farm:
The chairwoman of the County Breeders Association had announced
plans to show her calves to any interested farmers.

Don't miss it:
Due to the following special program, "The Invisible Man" will
not be seen tonight.

Binoculars ready:
Newscaster - The streakers are at it again and I can't
understand this type of behavior. I guess it's just a way to
show you're nuts!"

A horse breeder story

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

Cds

one day i was eating my girl out & i said to her do you like cds & she said what kind of cds &i said cds nuts in your mouth

Pillsburry Doughboy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast
infection.

He was 71, Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in
recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth,
the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess
Twinkies. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt
Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how
much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but later in his life his career was
filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty
old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in
the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Pun

Aviod hangovers wear a bra.

PUNS

Q:wat do you call a pun thats been every where?

A:Binder Duntat

The Rainbow Bridge

Once upon a time there were three men who heard a tale of the
fabled Rainbow Bridge. These three men had heard that if you
jumped off the bridge into the valley below, the you would land
in whatever you wished for during the fall. So these three men
travelled to the bridge. The first man stood at the side of the
bridge, jumped off, shouted 'billions of thousand dollar bills'
and he land in a huge pile of money. The second guy stood at
the side of the bridge, jumped off, shouted 'naked supermodels'
and he landed in the arms of hundreds of naked supermodels
(female and MALE). The third guy had no idea what to wish for.
He stood at the edge of the bridge for a long time, finally he
took a step forward, tripped, screamed 'shit' and landed...in a
pile of poo.

Tuns of Puns! Part II

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.

How you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from ducks.

What city has the largest rodent population?
Hamsterdam.

What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates?
"Well done."

What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
"I am ewe."

What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
"I find you very attractive."

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

What did one potato chip say to the other?
Shall we go for a dip?

What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"

What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.