What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton...

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had??

An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.

Bill and Monica different

How are Bill and Monica different?
One won't come clean and the other won't clean cum.

Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am
the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're
not�, answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. "I am the smallest person in the world,"
shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. "I've
had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you
haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the
three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin,
clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and
summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one
at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming
"I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so�. In went Tom Thumb
and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am the smallest person in
the world, Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an
hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who
the hell is Bill Clinton?"

Road accident with Clinton

Bill Clinton and his driver are in a hurry, so they are speeding past several farms. On their way past one of the farms Bill's driver hits a pig. He stops the car and decides he had better tell the owners.Bill waits in the car all night and the driver doesn't come back until the next morning. Bill says, "what did they do to you?" The driver replies, "they gave me a good meal and they told me to sleep with their daughter. They tried to give me fruit for the road, but I had to say no. " Bill says, Wow! What did you say to them? The driver replies, All I said was "I'm Bill Clinton's driver and I killed the pig."

Liars

A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone.

The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man.

"So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

To which the man replied, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

Difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull

Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.

To get away from Bill Clinton.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Bill Clinton.

Monica Lewinsky's Resume

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"

Johnny Cochran, Clinton's new lawyer

What will Johnny Cochran, Clinton's new lawyer, say to the jury?
It's not a sin, if it doesn�t go in!

Chelsea's room

President Clinton to maid: "Ma'am, can you do something about Chelsea's room?

She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House."

Maid: "Yes, Mr. President, I'll remove the mirrors right away."

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

Clintanic

Many of people have ridden the titanic, same with Clinton, so lets call him
the Clintanic.

Clinton and the pigs

SO the President walks on to Air Force one with two pigs under his arms and he says to an army general "These are Arkansas razor back pigs" then he says "this one for Hilary and this one is for Chelsea" Then the general says "nice trade sir". -- Submitted by Nick Mead

Clinton to President

As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request
over the loudspeaker:
"Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position
and prepare to land?"

Why does President Clinton invite so many...

Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?

He wants to show them his executive branch.

Socialism is dead.

Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism?
A: Socialism is dead.

Clinton as a child

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How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?

Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?
A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not
finishing what they had started.

Clinton's worst nightmare?

Q: What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
A: An intern with braces.